Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
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im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him