He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.