I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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