I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
