I just saw a hot homeless man
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
