I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think your dad took our porno
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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