thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize