dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
