I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
