you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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