my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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