can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
