i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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