I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
