All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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