she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
