I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
