How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
