Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
