Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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