Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
