i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
