Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
operation have a gay friend backfired
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So apparently I’m into choking now
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