Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
