It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
