I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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