I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
