pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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