dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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