I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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