I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
