Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
