you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
