Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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