i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
