its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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