she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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