No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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