This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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