Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i think i just lost a toe
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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