fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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