i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
