I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
