So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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