Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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