my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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