sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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