Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
