pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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