So drunk its hurt
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
