I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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