I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
