1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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