I'm passing your future prison.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
