I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
