So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
