I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
