I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
