So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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