He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
