i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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