You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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