her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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