this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
