In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize