Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
